I know you wouldn't call yourself a philosopher, but your life philosophy is wonderful. Every family has its own unique way of doing things, and the ones that work are the correct ones for that family. I was an only child, and dinner was only with my parents. My mother didn't speak much, but my father taught me about the world by relating stories from his past. Granted, most of our conversations were heavy on politics and history, but they provided a foundation for me to try to understand the world. As a loner, I have always valued silence, so large family gatherings are a horrible experience for me. On a few occasions, at these gatherings, I met people who were interesting and from whom I wanted to learn different ideas. Of course, I was reprimanded for not participating in the general conversation, which held no interest for me. I am retired now, so I am spared the time-wasting experiences of large gatherings. It sounds as though you have a wonderful family life with no Mad Uncle to spoil the evening meal.
I think you’re 100% right. Whatever works for your family and what you choose to do. There is no one right way to do almost anything. I wish a lot of of these Maga types could read this and actually apply it further to so many things that today they insist there is only one right way!
I love reading about other families who love making their own traditions, it's the quality of the experience, and being adaptable to each member's needs, that's how you build strong family bonds, recognizing needs and making it work together. It's the togetherness that makes the family, not outdated societal rules.
I love when families figure out what works for them and just do it! We don’t need permission to raise our kids or live how we see fit. Different strokes and all …. There is no right way. I think it’s fun to learn about other people’s solutions.
Our house had a long room with the kitchen (refrigerator, sink, stove, etc.) at one end. At the other was a large round table where we ate our meals -- often together but if one of us was late at school or up early, we accommodated. A separate room held the dining table -- lovely cherry drop-leaf -- which we only used on holidays when relatives came for dinner.
You are 100% right! And it’s nobody’s business but yours. We’ve always been a bit unconventional in our living spaces, as well. We don’t currently own a dining room table, nor would we want one. If there are more than 4 people (which seldom happens), we break out the card table and chairs. Living space should conform to the family and their needs, not the other way around. Also, I’ve never given a crap what other people think. It works for us!
You know you’re a successful parent when your kids don’t rebel…because they have no reason to.
Today I’m old, alone and don’t own a dining table. I do have two tv tables but I tend to eat sitting in my recliner with food on a small tray while watching tv. I do worry I’ll forget how to be mannerly. But a small recline while using a tv table doesn’t work. Sitting upright and forward hurts my back. Like you I’ve adapted to suit my needs…and furniture.
Life has different stages and we are always adapting. You have taught that principle to your children. That will help them find solutions to problems.
Oooh! I love this. I was feeling rather bad that we rarely sit down to dinner together. But our dining table is often covered in art projects which is fun. The kids eat there, we usually eat after they are in bed. (Our kids are still quite young and we got used to eating at 8ish prior to kids.) I have been pre-worrying about the teen years but I think you have quite the good idea here: keep your kids around, don’t constrain yourself by tradition when figuring out how to do that.
Simpatico on several levels (in no particular order): I firmly believe and vocally maintain that the DVR is among the greatest inventions, ever (*pausing tv); In my younger days, I was a chef, so only ever ate standing up while continuing to work, and this trait followed me home, so no dining room table for decades—took my wife a bit, but she’s fully on board (visiting friends and family, not so much, but my food is good enough that they don’t complain with their mouths full); History—I fall asleep to history tomes on Audible every single night, love it (math?? Not so much…at all)! Throw in love for D&D, and…simpatico.
This sounds a lot like my family. We’ve tried SO hard to do family dinner, especially since my husband is convinced it’ll help our youngest who has feeding issues eat better. It really hasn’t so we’ve ended up back in the living room during meals.
I dunno. Our kids were the “holed up in their bedrooms” kind of teens and if we didn’t have dinner together, we’d never see them. Even if the meal only lasted 20 minutes—which is about how long it took for the kids to wolf down their dinners—it was enough time to check in, get a temperature reading on their mental states, and hear how their days went. Kids are busy these days. So are the adults. Dinner can be very grounding for everyone. Or maybe it’s just the Jewish mother in me who is only happy when feeding others. Either way, the kids are grown and gone now and I was happy to have that small part of the day with them when they were home.
I found this very moving Ogre (the sunlight! the rounds of applause! the crochet!). Sounds like you and Mrs Ogre have terrific kids and a great family that understands what’s actually important in life. It’s inspiring.
I believe in making it work for you! And you have - we did/still have family meal time but it's about all being sure to be home at a certain time- yes we eat, we also joke, check in, tell tales, etc.
Our son with special needs has his spot at the table that he uses all day long as well. From his perch he sees all that goes on in the kitchen and most importantly receives all the meal preparation presnacks.
Everyone is different, glad you insisted on doing what works for you. We do family dinner but that’s because my boys need socializing and I knew the rest of the time I am either too busy or too tired to interact properly. So they get to hole up the rest of the time.
I love this! You found a solution that works well for your family, and didn’t cave to pressure from alleged experts. Furniture does not a family make.
I know you wouldn't call yourself a philosopher, but your life philosophy is wonderful. Every family has its own unique way of doing things, and the ones that work are the correct ones for that family. I was an only child, and dinner was only with my parents. My mother didn't speak much, but my father taught me about the world by relating stories from his past. Granted, most of our conversations were heavy on politics and history, but they provided a foundation for me to try to understand the world. As a loner, I have always valued silence, so large family gatherings are a horrible experience for me. On a few occasions, at these gatherings, I met people who were interesting and from whom I wanted to learn different ideas. Of course, I was reprimanded for not participating in the general conversation, which held no interest for me. I am retired now, so I am spared the time-wasting experiences of large gatherings. It sounds as though you have a wonderful family life with no Mad Uncle to spoil the evening meal.
I think you’re 100% right. Whatever works for your family and what you choose to do. There is no one right way to do almost anything. I wish a lot of of these Maga types could read this and actually apply it further to so many things that today they insist there is only one right way!
I love reading about other families who love making their own traditions, it's the quality of the experience, and being adaptable to each member's needs, that's how you build strong family bonds, recognizing needs and making it work together. It's the togetherness that makes the family, not outdated societal rules.
I love when families figure out what works for them and just do it! We don’t need permission to raise our kids or live how we see fit. Different strokes and all …. There is no right way. I think it’s fun to learn about other people’s solutions.
Our house had a long room with the kitchen (refrigerator, sink, stove, etc.) at one end. At the other was a large round table where we ate our meals -- often together but if one of us was late at school or up early, we accommodated. A separate room held the dining table -- lovely cherry drop-leaf -- which we only used on holidays when relatives came for dinner.
You are 100% right! And it’s nobody’s business but yours. We’ve always been a bit unconventional in our living spaces, as well. We don’t currently own a dining room table, nor would we want one. If there are more than 4 people (which seldom happens), we break out the card table and chairs. Living space should conform to the family and their needs, not the other way around. Also, I’ve never given a crap what other people think. It works for us!
You know you’re a successful parent when your kids don’t rebel…because they have no reason to.
Today I’m old, alone and don’t own a dining table. I do have two tv tables but I tend to eat sitting in my recliner with food on a small tray while watching tv. I do worry I’ll forget how to be mannerly. But a small recline while using a tv table doesn’t work. Sitting upright and forward hurts my back. Like you I’ve adapted to suit my needs…and furniture.
Life has different stages and we are always adapting. You have taught that principle to your children. That will help them find solutions to problems.
I couldn’t agree more - there’s a reason all the most torturous plays have dinner scene blow outs. Such a stupid societal thing.
Oooh! I love this. I was feeling rather bad that we rarely sit down to dinner together. But our dining table is often covered in art projects which is fun. The kids eat there, we usually eat after they are in bed. (Our kids are still quite young and we got used to eating at 8ish prior to kids.) I have been pre-worrying about the teen years but I think you have quite the good idea here: keep your kids around, don’t constrain yourself by tradition when figuring out how to do that.
Simpatico on several levels (in no particular order): I firmly believe and vocally maintain that the DVR is among the greatest inventions, ever (*pausing tv); In my younger days, I was a chef, so only ever ate standing up while continuing to work, and this trait followed me home, so no dining room table for decades—took my wife a bit, but she’s fully on board (visiting friends and family, not so much, but my food is good enough that they don’t complain with their mouths full); History—I fall asleep to history tomes on Audible every single night, love it (math?? Not so much…at all)! Throw in love for D&D, and…simpatico.
(Except for the obvious differences that you’re highly intelligent, extremely funny and write very well, indeed…little things like that)
This sounds a lot like my family. We’ve tried SO hard to do family dinner, especially since my husband is convinced it’ll help our youngest who has feeding issues eat better. It really hasn’t so we’ve ended up back in the living room during meals.
I dunno. Our kids were the “holed up in their bedrooms” kind of teens and if we didn’t have dinner together, we’d never see them. Even if the meal only lasted 20 minutes—which is about how long it took for the kids to wolf down their dinners—it was enough time to check in, get a temperature reading on their mental states, and hear how their days went. Kids are busy these days. So are the adults. Dinner can be very grounding for everyone. Or maybe it’s just the Jewish mother in me who is only happy when feeding others. Either way, the kids are grown and gone now and I was happy to have that small part of the day with them when they were home.
I found this very moving Ogre (the sunlight! the rounds of applause! the crochet!). Sounds like you and Mrs Ogre have terrific kids and a great family that understands what’s actually important in life. It’s inspiring.
I believe in making it work for you! And you have - we did/still have family meal time but it's about all being sure to be home at a certain time- yes we eat, we also joke, check in, tell tales, etc.
Our son with special needs has his spot at the table that he uses all day long as well. From his perch he sees all that goes on in the kitchen and most importantly receives all the meal preparation presnacks.
Everyone is different, glad you insisted on doing what works for you. We do family dinner but that’s because my boys need socializing and I knew the rest of the time I am either too busy or too tired to interact properly. So they get to hole up the rest of the time.