Fragile CEOs Need Special Police Hotline To Feel Safe From Angry Peasants
Dear rich assholes: This is why we all fucking hate you.
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I said it last week and I will say it again: I really do not want to keep writing about a greedy asshole CEO getting Luigied. It happened, we all got a good laugh, thanked Karma, and I’d like to move on with my life. Cool?
No. Not cool. Why? Because the fucking rich are so fucking coddled and insulated from real fucking life that, I absolutely shit you not, they are traumatized by one of their own getting capped. How traumatized? They needed a special handholding meeting with NY Gov. Hochul so she can soothe their frazzled feefees:
State officials want to calm the nerves of New York City’s business elite after the assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson sent shockwaves through the corporate world.
Gov. Kathy Hochul will broker a virtual meeting Tuesday with state law enforcement officials and about 175 corporate representatives to discuss sharing security resources.
It’s been almost two weeks, the shooter is in custody, and yet, the poor, vulnerable millionaires are still quaking in their boots. I’m trying to remember the last time a NY governor showed this much concern about anyone in their state being shot. I feel like the answer is…“never?” But this was a rich and powerful white guy so, hold the fucking presses! We have to Do Something!
How stupid is this getting? Oh, you’re going to love this. And by “love this” I actually mean your blood is going to boil until your internal organs shoot out of your mouth in a scream of rage that will never end:
New York Governor Kathy Hochul’s (D-NY) office is convening a safety summit, and CNN anchor Kasie Hunt reports that the state “may set up a special hotline just for CEOs.”
Yes, you read that correctly. They are actually discussing a special hotline for rich white men1 to call when they’re ascared of crime!
I imagine it will look something like this:
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the obnoxious amount of privilege required to cry so loud about how unsafe you are as a millionaire that you need your own special hotline to the police for protection.
Here are a few suggestions:
Hire security guards. You’re fucking rich.
You want special police protection? Pay your fucking taxes, you cheap cockbites.
Have you tried living your life in such a way that when you get gunned down in the street, millions of people don’t spontaneously burst into laughter?
#2 is a real sticking point for me. The degenerate rich are forever demanding tax breaks and tax cuts and tax shelters and tax loopholes and fucking the rest of us out of the money they fucking owe.
They bribe Republicans to slash corporate tax rates and create special carve-outs for yachts and private jets. They have their paid servants in the GOP gut the IRS so they can cheat on their taxes for decades. Then they throw a temper tantrum when the IRS is fully funded and comes for the money the degenerate rich have been stealing all of this time because how fucking DARE the peasants show up and require the Masters of the Universe to pay their fair share?
But now? Now the penny-pinching fucksticks want extra-special police protection. The very services they go to astonishing lengths to avoid paying for, they suddenly want extra from.
How about…no? How about you get not a fucking thing extra because you’re not fucking special? Having money and being a white man doesn’t make you any more worth protecting than a Black kid in Brooklyn or a Latino grandmother in Queens. You’re. Not. Special.
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But the rich and powerful protect their own, especially when the peasants are the threat:
A Florida woman has been arrested and charged after allegedly using the same language associated with the suspect in the murder of a top health insurance executive while on a phone call with her healthcare firm.
Briana Boston, 42, had just had a medical claim denied and was talking on a phone call with a representative from Blue Cross Blue Shield. The Lakeland resident then allegedly said: “Delay, deny, depose. You people are next.”
She’s being charged with threats to conduct a mass shooting or domestic terrorism. Boston does not own a gun but what does that matter? She’s a fucking terrorist, man!!
OK, so let’s be perfectly clear here: The powers that be are wildly overreacting here because they are sending a message to the rest of us - “You had your fun. You killed one of us. Playtime’s over, peasants.”
It’s really important to understand that angry racist white men make threats like this, and far worse, all the time. Against celebrities. Against “woke” companies. Against women. Against children. Against elected politicians and election workers. They are rarely arrested and charged with anything, much less domestic terrorism.
Why? Because, as always, right-wing violence and threats of violence maintain the status quo of white supremacy. It does not challenge or threaten the current power structure. But threats against CEOs for actual populist reasons? That is terrifying to the oligarchs trying to seize permanent power and must be crushed as soon as possible.
I promise you, if a crazed MAGA gunned down the CEO of Ben & Jerry’s next week for being “too woke,” the press would just shrug. Terrible tragedy. Oh well, here’s the 8 o’clock weather.
But if literally anyone, left, right or center, gunned down another insurance CEO or the head of a pharmaceutical company or cigarette company or gun manufacturer? It would be another month of the press foaming at the mouth. CNN would be screeching for law enforcement to Do Something! Fox News would be raging at social media companies to ban every account that laughed at this horrific un-American tragedy! Congress would put together a commission to investigate if Chinese influence was behind it all!
Because in America, rich white men are the predators, never the prey. Watching them melt into a collective puddle of panic because just one of them was put down for the horrors he unleashed for profit tells you everything you need to know about where we are as a country right now.
The “Masters of the Universe” live in a cloud of constant fear and terror. Of us, the dirty peasants and our constant calls for a better world. Of our demands for better pay and less pollution. For justice and equality. For an end to the depredations of the degenerate rich.
The degenerate rich hear this and hear their wealth and power being drained away until they only own 70% of everything instead of 99%. That is intolerable to those possessed of unending greed and pathological narcissism.
If they feel like they have a target on their back now? Well…that’s too fucking bad. They’re the ones that put it there. Stop demanding I feel bad for them. Stop asking me to sacrifice for them. They’re parasites and they’re telling us loudly how much they despise us on a daily basis. These are the men who have been waging war on us for generations. Fuck’em.
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91% of CEOs are men. 87% are white. So, yeah, rich white men.
I just sent the following email to Gov. Hochul:
I read with absolutely fury that you intend to set up a hot line for filthy rich, tax-cheating CEOs who are now afraid they might get shot because their business practices are destroying lives. Tough. They have enough money to hire their own security; they don't need to drain NY state coffers because they're a bunch of snowflakes.
Maybe if they ran their businesses ethically, paid their taxes, paid fair wages, and didn't drive already poor people into the ground, they could relax.
Don't give these greedy bastards the time of day; they don't deserve it. And yes I am in Washington State, but this action will resound across the country.
Boy, oh boy....is there ever a populist thread to be pulled here.
The right already thinks we want all rich people dead, so we may as well yank that fucking thread, hard, every single day until November 2026.
Time to turn public reaction against the oligarchy.
BTW, am I the only one who finds it NOT a coincidence that Melon Husk's brother owns a drone light show company?